Play is the Essence of Childhood


One of the joys of my life is watching my grandchildren play. They create fantasy situations, with stories and activities associated with the story they are creating including taking on different personas to fit the game. They involve their stuffies, toys and sofa cushions. They become active running and jumping or they are at the playground challenging their bodies as they climb, slide and swing. And I watch in awe.

Kids not only like to play, they need to play. It’s the way they learn about the world around them.

It’s not a prize they’re given if they do their chores, or if they behave themselves. It needs to be an integral part of their life.

And there are different kinds of play and it’s important that we allow our kids the various experiences play can bring to them.

Let Your Kids Play

“Play is the essence of childhood. If we want our kids to grow up to be self-sufficient and independent with good problem-solving skills, play is the place to start.” (From But Nobody Told Me I’d Ever Have to Leave Home.)

That all sounds just fine, but what does play actually look like? I would say that it is purposeful and pleasurable, involves leisure and learning, and is active.

Play has a purpose but the player determines the purpose. The child decides what he wants to do when he is playing and it brings him pleasure. It is not mandated; he doesn’t have to participate. It is his leisure time. But he is also learning. Everything a child does is a learning activity. For this reason, I do not like to label some toys as ‘educational’, they may be ‘academic’ but kids are constantly learning. A few years ago, when my granddaughter tried to pull the zipper on my jacket, she was learning. My jacket is not an educational toy or even a toy but it is a source of learning for this child. She figures out that it depends on how she holds the zipper as to whether is will rise or fall, she learns that when she come to the end it stops and if she takes it all the way to the bottom the jacket opens. Today she can take her own jacket and simply zip it up on her own. She learned by playing with my jacket.

For her this is play. It has a purpose, it is her leisure, she is learning, it is active and she determined that this would be her game for the time being. Imagine, all this from an action we simply take for granted.

Play involves some activity; she is doing something. And the child chooses the play. If you are the player, it is about you. Play is spontaneous and voluntary. My granddaughter can choose to play with my zipper or not. It is her choice.

So, play has a purpose but it is not a structured activity with rules and regulations. This is the difference between play and sport or other organized activities.

When kids are involved in sports or games with rules they are having fun, getting exercise and learning all sorts of valuable skills. They are learning to be part of a team, to follow the rules, to listen to the coach and to take their place in the group. All of this is valuable.

But it is not true play.

Kids need to experience a range of play activities, from physical play to creative and imaginative play.

While play is child-directed, parents certainly have a role in supporting their children’s play. Just let them take the lead and have fun with them. You can be playing as well.

There are times when we should stand back and let our children play on their own. As a matter of fact, it’s good practice to help them learn how to entertain themselves. But at other times we can make ourselves available to our children.

If they do invite you to play, join them. If she wants to dance to the music on the radio, sweep her up in your arms and dance around the room. If she wants you to finger paint, put on old clothes or an apron and go to it.

You can support her play by providing toys and other tools for play. It might be a blanket so she can make a tent, pails and shovels for the beach or sandbox or empty boxes for making structures.

Often, kids’ play is determined by our attitude. When we see play as something that is earned and can only be enjoyed after everything else is done, we teach our kids that play is not important. That is why the concept of educational toys was developed. Somehow, if the toy is labeled as educational it’s not a waste of time.

Bottom-line, play is the essence of childhood. Let your kids play, encourage all sorts of play and your child will grow to be a well-rounded, capable and happy young man or woman.

If You Live on Vancouver Island Kathy will be coming to your community.

I am looking forward to speaking at the Connecting The Dots conference for parents. It’s being help at Royal Bay Secondary School in Victoria.

As always my presentations will share a basic value that I call

P.U.R.E. Parenting.

P — is a parenting plan

U — is unconditional love

R — is respect for your child as he is right now

E — is encouragement

Digital Books Make Parenting Information More Accessible.

There are times when digital is the perfect answer and let’s face, on a holiday having access to hundreds of books on one small tablet is ideal. I will have my kindle with me on the trip.

There are lots of times when a busy parent would like to be able to simply read and my books are digital and make it easier for you to take a look.

Two of my parenting books started as print versions but the third is only digital. The first two are also now in digital format. Who’s in Charge Anyway? talks about roots. It provides a clear road map for parent to focus on the tough but rewarding job of raising children to be responsible, self-disciplined adults.

But Nobody Told Me I’d Ever Have to Leave Home talks about raising children to become capable young men and women.

I am told the books are down to earth and common sense as well as easy to read. If you want some basic parenting tips and information these books are a good place to start.





Posted in Family Concerns, Infants, News, Preschoolers, School-Age, Teens, Toddlers | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

One Response to Play is the Essence of Childhood

  1. Unfortunately, years devoted to playing and joyful learning are replaced with a round robin of scheduled activities, making childhood a stress-filled time of striving and competing.

    Days are crammed with extracurricular activities such as ballet, judo, tennis, piano, sport, art projects, and the endless grind of homework targets and additional tuition. Any leisure time at home has children entertained by giant screens and electronic gadgets minimising any need for personal interaction, resulting in concerned parents maintaining complex social calendars to compensate, organising playdates weeks in advance.

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